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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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