Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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