At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
