yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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