You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
