Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
