I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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