Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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