Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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