Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
