thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
