I'm drive I can fine osifer
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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