Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
