I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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