Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
whose parrot is this?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize