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• (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

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• (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I'm like, not good at living.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  COCAINE IS GR8

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• (904): View more from Florida

  They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...

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• (941): View more from Florida

  BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition

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