ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
