I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
