I want to stick my p in your. b.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
