Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize