I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
