I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
