I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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