my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
