Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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