If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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