i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
