My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
