so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
