His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
