Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
