Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
