my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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