And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
