I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
