Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
