whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
