just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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