Say something about gay babies.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
