That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
