Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
