If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
