Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
