I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
