Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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