i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize