Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize