I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
