Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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