My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
