just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize