the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
