I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
