Im at strip club and am horny
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
