The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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