need another drink. this is the easiest way
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
