I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
