I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
