I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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