If i come over, it means nothing
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
