It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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