I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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