Girls should come with a carfax report
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
