i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
