your parents love me but you hate me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize