remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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