guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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