Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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