I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
